im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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