wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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