you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Two words: nipple clamps
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