I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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