Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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