Already got asked if we're dating
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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