Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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