I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It was confusing and full of hummus
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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