And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What changed your mind?
Being sober
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
