Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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