dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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