you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
