i don't like sucking hair
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
