The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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