I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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