my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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