The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
