Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
