You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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