the new term for farting is butt boxing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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