he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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