I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
