It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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