Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we're making bets on your personal life
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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