Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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