When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
