Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my shit smells like andre
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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