it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
