Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
