Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
