The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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