using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
