In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
