separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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