i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
