Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have aggressive nipples.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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