Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
