omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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