If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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