Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
