I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
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i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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