Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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