I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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