I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
