I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
