he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
