ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
