hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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