Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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