Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
