I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
