This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
