Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
