my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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