you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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