i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
