Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
