This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
