O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
