They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
