i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
