Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I touched a dick in church today
I see more hoeing in ur future
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