well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize