We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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