you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
